SECOND LIFE (2003) REVIEW

So bad you'll begin to appreciate your first life.

PC exclusive.

Second Life is a virtual world game published and developed by Linden Lab for the PC.

GAMEPLAY

STORY

GRAPHICS

SOUND

VALUE FOR MONEY

OVERALL

TOONTOWN (2003) REVIEW

Not one for the kids... Or for anyone really.

PC exclusive.

Toontown was a Massively multiplayer online game published by Disney and developed by Disney Interactive for the PC.

GAMEPLAY
Never have I seen such a game with such little imagination or effort put into it. There is no variety in tasks, the main content the game offers, as every single one in the game is a fetch quest. Almost all the buildings look the same on the inside no matter how imaginative or interesting the name sounds on the outside. All the cog content ends up boiling down to doing the same thing over and over again too, whether grinding through buildings. that whilst different looking to toon buildings, all still look the same, or battling the same boss over and over by doing the same dungeon-like run thing before hand a million times.

The game has absolutely no skill level to it at all, whether you've just started or are right at the end game it doesn't mean much, other than the fact that you have been prepared to put yourself through a huge amount of boring, repetitive, grindy rubbish that most people wouldn't be able to stand. It's depressing to stand back and realise what a huge waste of time it is doing anything in this game because nothing is rewarding.

Seriously. The skill required for this game is really just down to grinding and luck. If I asked you to think of notable moments from any game you've played perhaps you'd been able to tell me one, whether good or bad, something you remembered. Toontown though? It's so flat that I couldn't really tell you much and I played it for years.

The level design is it at a minimum really, with most places just being streets with the same houses. You spend most of the game running up and down the streets to different buildings (that all have incredibly similar if not the same interiors). You can't teleport to them or anything, and there's the chance they've been taken over by cogs so you'll have to switch to another district, all just to consume more of your time. That's it.

Let's not forget the cog bosses though, which you have to grind a dungeon-like place to actual face in the first place. They can actually be quite fun the first few times but afterwards become yet another monotonous journey of doing the same thing over and over.

What's even worse is that the gag track sound is completely overpowered. You can breeze through most cog battles with it. Every one uses it because it gets things done the fastest. There's no real reason to use anything else because it has among the best accuracy of the different tracks in the game and requires such little thought to use as the group just has to spam it.

Racing is like Mario Kart but awful. Golf is a boring slog.

The only good thing this game could be used for was checking if your child has an addictive personality. There is such little incentive to choose this over so many great games kids could actually play, Pokemon is a turn based game kids can play, or the many Playstation platformers like Crash, Spyro, Sly Cooper or Ratchet & Clank.

You know you must have created a boring, terrible game when certain players of the game only participate to ruin other players experience by "Greening" them. An act where one player purposefully causes others to lose. I mean, yikes. It's really rather sad when you think about it.

Fishing isn't that bad for what it is but is incredibly grindy due to the rarity of some fish. I actually fell asleep... playing a game... when I was doing fishing once though, so that really is something.

They might not be that original but the trolley mini games are probably the best part of the game such as Toon Slingshot, that requires a little bit of thinking to do well at. Photo fun just doesn't work though and is pretty broken - it actually stands out, which is something considering the state of this game.

GRAPHICS

Not terrible but riddled with bugs.

SOUND
The soundtrack isn't terrible but it gets boring fast. It really could have done with more tracks. After you've played the game for a while you might begin to wonder that if there is a Hell, Minnie's Melodyland might just be it.

VALUE FOR MONEY

Outrageous asking price for such a little amount of content and lack of updates.

OVERALL
This game does nothing new and uses Disney characters to mask its dreary, shallow, pitiful experience that was solely designed to make money. The only possible fun from this unimaginative pile of drivel is from playing it with friends, but almost any game is fun with friends. It's a poor excuse for a game. Thank goodness it got shut down.